I'm scared.
There are so many unanswered questions in my life that tonight I feel a bit overwhelmed. What is the meaning of life? Why were we placed on this planet? Is there such a thing as fate? I guess you could say that recent events have triggered this sense of anxiousness, and I feel that if things do not go the way I want them to I will have amounted to nothing in my twenty-two years of existence. Basketball has been my life since I first was able to hold a basketball in my hands. I've played since I was in 2nd grade, and have never taken a break. I know this blog is called "Away From The Hardwood" but bear with me, this post has more content then just basketball. I have gone through the ups, the downs, and everything in between. The abridged version... I now am leaving to play professional basketball in Paris, France for the next four years of my life.
Stop.
Last week I am lifting weights and dislocate my right shooting shoulder. I have already gone through 3 surgeries, and I do not plan of having a 4th. However, with the pain that I am experiencing when I do everyday activities is not promising. I'm hearing phrases like "torn rotator cuff" "torn labrum" "8-10 month recovery" and "MRI will reveal the damage." I don't know what to do. I hold out for the best of course, but it is different this time. I feel that someone or something out there is telling me that basketball is not my future. I call bullshit. I am the master of my universe, I am the captain of my soul, and I am the one who defines my future. Who the hell has the authority to dictate what I can and can't do in my life? I firmly believe you as an individual have the right and the authority to do what it is you want to do in this world as long as you are willing to work hard at it and don't take no for an answer. People who tell me, "God has a bigger plan for you Graham" or "Maybe this is a sign that basketball is not your calling" it makes me angry. Sure I appreciate the sympathetic comments, but I call those statements pitiful. I am a 6'9 240 pound athlete who has been playing sports since I could walk. If this injury is serious enough that I am told not to play anymore, I don't know what I will do with myself. I moved down to San Diego to train and get ready for the most exciting four years of my life. If I am injured and am told to have surgery, I will consider the move a waste. Honestly, I feel like I'm a waste.
I am lucky enough to have two loving parents who funded my trip down to San Diego. They are my two biggest fans and have supported every decision that I have made, however smart or dim-witted they may have been. All of that money, that moral support, would have been for nothing if this injury truly takes the game I love away from me. Now here come the questions folks: What do I do if basketball doesn't work out? I have never been a scholastic individual. And to be quite blunt I hate school. I hate how society places hoops in front of you in order to go places in the world. How jobs require you to have a college degree in order to make a decent living, or that when you actually go to school you have to take science or math classes when you want to study philosophy, psychology, or any other major that doesn't require the previously stated skills. However I do see the perks of higher education. Being at an institution for 4+ years shows commitment, it shows that you have the ability to go to class, learn material, take tests, and pass. But I also believe that there are so many students out there that memorize material, throw it up for tests, and then forget it within the next 4 months. Having a college degree doesn't make you better than anyone else, but it does show that you have the ability to go to a higher education institution for an extended period of time and learn skills that most people don't take the time to learn, and it does help you be a more knowledgeable individual. But then again I have seen college graduates with a degree in sociology, business, psychology, or education working at a Starbucks or a corporation that has NOTHING to do with the major they graduated with. It comes down to who you know, not what you know, and that's capitalism at its finest.
What do I do ladies and gentlemen? There are so many what ifs that it makes my head spin. Do I go back to school if Paris doesn't work out? Do I stay in San Diego, rehab, and try to get back into game shape and try again? I just don't know. Working at a minimum wage job 40 hours a week doesn't sound appealing to me at all, but there's the college degree card coming back and slapping me in the face. Don't wanna work at McDonals Graham, get a degree you dim wit.
I consider myself to be a charming person, I like to think that I treat people with respect. But a person's charm can only take them so far. Going into a job interview, they're not gonna say, "Wow Graham, you charmed the pants off me, we see that you don't have a college degree but that doesn't matter, you can tell a mean knock-knock joke so we're gonna go ahead and disregard the Harvard grad with a 3.8 GPA and a business degree. Here's 80 grand a year!" Not gonna happen folks. Sports is my life, sports is my opportunity, and if this doesn't work out I will be a 22 year old nobody who had an opportunity to play pro ball and blew it because my body couldn't take it. I wish I could travel the world, meet incredible people and find a job that paid me well enough that I could live and be happy, provide for my family, and retire at a reasonable age. And I have found that in this opportunity to play basketball. If it is taken away from me, I don't know what the hell I'll be able to do. Go home, live with my parents, work waiting tables, and go to a community college? I'm sorry, but I'd rather be in the military than live that life. And you know what I've thought about it. And it's a serious option. If basketball doesn't work out, I can join the Marines and travel the world that way. That way I am out of my parents way, I'm not wasting their money, and I don't have to worry about what my next step is going to be because someone is going to tell me what it is for me.
It's been a rough couple days folks. A lot of things are on my plate and the funny thing is, is that this whole thing is based on my MRI results next Wednesday. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't tell me that everything is going to be ok when it's not. I'm an athlete, it's all I've ever been good at. Imagine if you were in my position and you found out you couldn't play sports anymore, and then someone had the audacity to tell you, "It's all gonna be ok, you've got options." Options? What options. School, military, or working 40 hours a weak at a minimum wage job. Those are not options, those are necessary choices to keep your head above water.
Maybe I could fall off the map. Turn off my electronics, save up all my money and catch a bus somewhere where I could live in a one room shack on the beach. Who knows. I guess it will just hurt too much to know that if this basketball opportunity doesn't work out, I will be more of a burden to my parents then a blessing, no matter what kind of bull they feed me. Yes I'm their son, yes they love me, but it comes to a point where you gotta leave the nest and fly on your own. I just hope everything works out, because if it doesn't I don't want to have to deal with the questions.
This is G.S Moredock,
Goodnight everybody.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
L Is For The Way You Look At me
Evening folks,
It's been a while since I have updated my blog, but I have been so busy with life experiences and adventures that I really haven't had a chance to settle down and write. Finally, I have the chance to share some thoughts with you as I get ready for bed before my first day of work tomorrow!
Tonight, I want to talk about love. An interesting topic, is it not? We go through life searching for it, and yet sometimes when we find it we do not take it seriously. There are too many quotes out there about how "It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" or "All you need is love" but when we look at the facts love is and remains to be a science and an emotion that will never be able to be explained. In America the divorce rate is at 50%. We hear stories of husbands beating their wives, men and women cheating on their partners, and all of these horror stories about love and marriage. On the flip side, some of us are fortunate enough to have parents who stick together all the days of their lives, or we have siblings or friends who get married and have wonderful working marriages. What is it that makes love such an interesting topic!?
To quote the movie Wedding Crashers "Love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." Cheesy, yes. But, it has validity. We all know we can't help who we fall in love with, and I do believe that when you make eye contact with someone or meet someone in a crowded square, you can feel such an intense attraction that you have to go speak to them. As human beings, we crave attention and companionship. I have yet to meet someone who is comfortable being alone and without a partner in life. Sure, you can argue and say, "Hey, I don't need love because I have my parents who love me, my friends who love me, and that's all I need." I don't buy it. Not for a second. Speaking from experience, there is no better feeling in the world than looking into the eyes of a beautiful woman or man, saying, "I love you" and them saying, "I love you too." Having such strong feelings reciprocated is an amazing feeling.
For those who don't believe that love exists, or for those who believe that human beings are not monogamous, I ask you this. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, could you go through your entire life meeting and sleeping with tons of different women or men and at the end of the day lie down in your bed and say, "I can do this for the rest of my life." I don't think you can do it! Human companionship is such a strong emotion, people are naturally drawn to one another, to want to have friends or relationships so that we have someone to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with.
Being a 22 year old man, I miss the feeling of female companionship. I look around me everyday and see happy couples holding hands, kissing, going on walks together, and I wonder if I will ever find love again. My heart has been broken twice, but as I look back on those relationships however long on short they were, I learned from them. It is so hard for me to remain confident in the fact that I will meet my future wife someday. It's so easy for us to look in the mirror and say I'm too fat, I'm too tall, I'm too short, I have weird hair, etc. We verbally bash ourselves and it tears down our self-esteem and self-confidence. The opposite sex will be attracted to you for who you are, not for who you are not.
Even though I may have been rejected, shot down, been in failed relationships, been told "you're such a good friend, I don't want to ruin that," amongst all the other cliche lines, I still believe my Mrs. Right is out there. When will I find her? Who knows. But when I look at all the friends I have made, and all of my female friends and how beautiful they are, I have all the confidence in the world that maybe one day I won't get stuck in that friend zone.
So my friends, I end with this. If you are married or currently in a relationship, congratulations. I wish you all the best and hope for only good things to come into your life. If you are single with me, keep your heads up! Be confident in who you are, even if that means waking up in the morning and saying, "I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm desirable, and any woman/man would be lucky to be with me." If you have female or male friends and you are a member of the opposite sex, you obviously have the skill set to be friends with the opposite sex. Just be patient that someday you not only will find a friend, but a partner to walk the path of life with you. I just hope I find mine sooner rather than later ;)
Goodnight everybody,
G.S Moredock signing out.
It's been a while since I have updated my blog, but I have been so busy with life experiences and adventures that I really haven't had a chance to settle down and write. Finally, I have the chance to share some thoughts with you as I get ready for bed before my first day of work tomorrow!
Tonight, I want to talk about love. An interesting topic, is it not? We go through life searching for it, and yet sometimes when we find it we do not take it seriously. There are too many quotes out there about how "It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" or "All you need is love" but when we look at the facts love is and remains to be a science and an emotion that will never be able to be explained. In America the divorce rate is at 50%. We hear stories of husbands beating their wives, men and women cheating on their partners, and all of these horror stories about love and marriage. On the flip side, some of us are fortunate enough to have parents who stick together all the days of their lives, or we have siblings or friends who get married and have wonderful working marriages. What is it that makes love such an interesting topic!?
To quote the movie Wedding Crashers "Love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." Cheesy, yes. But, it has validity. We all know we can't help who we fall in love with, and I do believe that when you make eye contact with someone or meet someone in a crowded square, you can feel such an intense attraction that you have to go speak to them. As human beings, we crave attention and companionship. I have yet to meet someone who is comfortable being alone and without a partner in life. Sure, you can argue and say, "Hey, I don't need love because I have my parents who love me, my friends who love me, and that's all I need." I don't buy it. Not for a second. Speaking from experience, there is no better feeling in the world than looking into the eyes of a beautiful woman or man, saying, "I love you" and them saying, "I love you too." Having such strong feelings reciprocated is an amazing feeling.
For those who don't believe that love exists, or for those who believe that human beings are not monogamous, I ask you this. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, could you go through your entire life meeting and sleeping with tons of different women or men and at the end of the day lie down in your bed and say, "I can do this for the rest of my life." I don't think you can do it! Human companionship is such a strong emotion, people are naturally drawn to one another, to want to have friends or relationships so that we have someone to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with.
Being a 22 year old man, I miss the feeling of female companionship. I look around me everyday and see happy couples holding hands, kissing, going on walks together, and I wonder if I will ever find love again. My heart has been broken twice, but as I look back on those relationships however long on short they were, I learned from them. It is so hard for me to remain confident in the fact that I will meet my future wife someday. It's so easy for us to look in the mirror and say I'm too fat, I'm too tall, I'm too short, I have weird hair, etc. We verbally bash ourselves and it tears down our self-esteem and self-confidence. The opposite sex will be attracted to you for who you are, not for who you are not.
Even though I may have been rejected, shot down, been in failed relationships, been told "you're such a good friend, I don't want to ruin that," amongst all the other cliche lines, I still believe my Mrs. Right is out there. When will I find her? Who knows. But when I look at all the friends I have made, and all of my female friends and how beautiful they are, I have all the confidence in the world that maybe one day I won't get stuck in that friend zone.
So my friends, I end with this. If you are married or currently in a relationship, congratulations. I wish you all the best and hope for only good things to come into your life. If you are single with me, keep your heads up! Be confident in who you are, even if that means waking up in the morning and saying, "I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm desirable, and any woman/man would be lucky to be with me." If you have female or male friends and you are a member of the opposite sex, you obviously have the skill set to be friends with the opposite sex. Just be patient that someday you not only will find a friend, but a partner to walk the path of life with you. I just hope I find mine sooner rather than later ;)
Goodnight everybody,
G.S Moredock signing out.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunscreen
Alas, I sit here at 3am on an idle Tuesday morning unable to sleep a wink. I guess I am thinking to myself about all the wonderful opportunities life gives us, and if we give it our best shot to capitalize on those opportunities? As I have said before people love to complain. I have talked to so many kids my age lately about their worries. Questions such as, "What am I going to do when I graduate?" "Will I be able to get a job?" "Am I going to have to live at home?" These are all legitimate questions people, but what I would like to remind you is to live in the moment. There is a positive outlook on every negative situation in life. The question is will you take the time to seek it out? We are in college, the best years of our lives. For most of us, our parents have been so kind to spend their money to send us off to live on our own, cook our own food, go to classes on our own motivation, and make smart decisions and living with the consequences if we stray from those decisions. To answer the first question, do not think of graduation in a negative light. Think of it this way: graduation is the culmination of all the hard work you put in: the 8 am classes, the all night study sessions, the mid-terms, the finals, and the projects. You will put on a cap and gown and walk across the stage and receive a DEGREE from your University. Just getting a degree puts you ahead of the game in life, and sets you on a brighter path for a more successful future. Bottom line is... You will have a degree from a four-year institution.
As far as jobs go, we all know that the economy is not at the highest point it's ever been. Obama has preached job creation as a priority and yet we still find our unemployment rate at an all-time high. Yes, for newly graduated college students our job market is tough, competitive, and depressing, but when you look at it from a certain perspective the economy is on its way up. You have choices. You have graduate school, you have petty jobs that pay the rent until you find a job in the career you're looking for, or you can take a year off and travel, wait it out until the job market is a little bit better! I know it is frightening to think about the idea of having to live at home again when four years ago we left the nest hoping never to return. However, moving home with your parents gives you a roof over your head, home cooked meals, two people who unconditionally love you, and a home base for when you start your job search. You don't have to worry about rent, food, utilities, or any other stress that comes with living on your own.
Now I realize that there are tons of flaws to my alternates of finding a job out of school, because Grad School requires a bunch of money, petty jobs can be boring and don't make you a happy person, and traveling costs money which you might not have out of school. All I'm saying is keep your options open. All of you graduates have a degree, you received your degree using your brain. You're smart people, use that noodle to figure out your next step in life, or at least the next idea that you can begin to pursue.
Now all of this talk about about graduating might make you question, "Why the hell is this titled Sunscreen?" Well, there is a song that I heard many moons ago called Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann. If you examine the lyrics it gives you little life lessons that everyone can agree to follow. Just to name a few:
- You're not as fat as you imagine
- Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing bubble gum
- Do one thing everyday that scares you
- Sing
- Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
- Don't waste your time on jealousy
- Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults
- Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind; the race is long... and in the end it's only with yourself
- Get to know your parents, you never know when they will be gone for good
- Don't expect anyone else to support you
There are so many more sayings in the song, I strongly suggest you take a listen and look at the lyrics while you do so.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I consider myself blessed with the opportunity to go play professional basketball overseas in a city that I have loved from afar, but never visited. If it falls through, I have a back-up. If it happens, I have the next four years of my life partially mapped out, but what will truly make those moments memorable will be what I decide to do when I am not on a basketball court. I know times are tough college students, and I know live can be stressful, but remember when life throws us curve balls, it feels that much sweeter when we smack em over the center field fence.
Goodnight, I wish only the best for all of you.
This is G.S Moredock, signing off...
As far as jobs go, we all know that the economy is not at the highest point it's ever been. Obama has preached job creation as a priority and yet we still find our unemployment rate at an all-time high. Yes, for newly graduated college students our job market is tough, competitive, and depressing, but when you look at it from a certain perspective the economy is on its way up. You have choices. You have graduate school, you have petty jobs that pay the rent until you find a job in the career you're looking for, or you can take a year off and travel, wait it out until the job market is a little bit better! I know it is frightening to think about the idea of having to live at home again when four years ago we left the nest hoping never to return. However, moving home with your parents gives you a roof over your head, home cooked meals, two people who unconditionally love you, and a home base for when you start your job search. You don't have to worry about rent, food, utilities, or any other stress that comes with living on your own.
Now I realize that there are tons of flaws to my alternates of finding a job out of school, because Grad School requires a bunch of money, petty jobs can be boring and don't make you a happy person, and traveling costs money which you might not have out of school. All I'm saying is keep your options open. All of you graduates have a degree, you received your degree using your brain. You're smart people, use that noodle to figure out your next step in life, or at least the next idea that you can begin to pursue.
Now all of this talk about about graduating might make you question, "Why the hell is this titled Sunscreen?" Well, there is a song that I heard many moons ago called Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann. If you examine the lyrics it gives you little life lessons that everyone can agree to follow. Just to name a few:
- You're not as fat as you imagine
- Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing bubble gum
- Do one thing everyday that scares you
- Sing
- Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
- Don't waste your time on jealousy
- Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults
- Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind; the race is long... and in the end it's only with yourself
- Get to know your parents, you never know when they will be gone for good
- Don't expect anyone else to support you
There are so many more sayings in the song, I strongly suggest you take a listen and look at the lyrics while you do so.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I consider myself blessed with the opportunity to go play professional basketball overseas in a city that I have loved from afar, but never visited. If it falls through, I have a back-up. If it happens, I have the next four years of my life partially mapped out, but what will truly make those moments memorable will be what I decide to do when I am not on a basketball court. I know times are tough college students, and I know live can be stressful, but remember when life throws us curve balls, it feels that much sweeter when we smack em over the center field fence.
Goodnight, I wish only the best for all of you.
This is G.S Moredock, signing off...
Friday, January 28, 2011
Music Speaks What Cannot Be Expressed
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."
Music has power. Nowadays kids are growing up listening to Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Pink, Kanye West, Cee Lo Green, and the Pussy Cat Dolls. I weep for the fact that as we get older, good music has died, and will never be appreciated or revived. I have an eclectic taste in music my friends, I listen to anything from hip-hop to classic rock. However, there is only one genre of music that truly heals the heart and the soul, and that is classical music. I won't speak for long tonight, but I wanted to express how I feel when I listen to the right classical song. Music of the 21st century has no heart, it has no soul and therefore when you listen to it you can dance along to its catchy beat or sing along to the words, but in the end you can never emotionally connect to it. When in recent history have you seen a crowd brought to its feet by a Jay Z concert because they had no choice but to stand up and applaud, for he had truly struck their heart strings (pun intended)? The answer is never. Sure people have given the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus standing ovations, but that was because they were already standing! Or because they were famous.
Back when classical writers such as Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Handel, or Tchiakovsky were performing their pieces, people didn't just stand up because they had to. They were moved, the music truly moved them. When Handel performed his famous Hallelujah Chorus for the King of England, the King was so moved by the music he stood up, and the rest of the room stood up with him, signifying the awesome power that was found in the piece. Classical music isn't performed with the mind, or the hands, or the arms... No. It is performed with the heart, with the soul, and that becomes obvious when the music is played for thousands of people. When I was listening to some of my favorite songs on Youtube, I noticed that a Justin Bieber song had over 8 million views. I was disgusted, proving my point that people don't know good music anymore. But then I looked up Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and saw that there were over 30 million views. Now that's emotional power you can't buy.
So tonight, I invite you to go into your rooms. Turn off your lights, pull down your curtains or drapes and lie on your bed. Put on Boccherini's Minuet, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Mozart's Requiem, Rossini's The Barber of Seville, or my personal favorite Tchiakovsky's 1812 Overture: Finale. Let the music flow over you and your troubles or stresses will soon follow. Appreciate the art of classical music my friends, and you may have just found yourself a new way of relieving stress, in a very calming but entertaining way.
Goodnight, and happy listening.
- G.S Moredock
Music has power. Nowadays kids are growing up listening to Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, Pink, Kanye West, Cee Lo Green, and the Pussy Cat Dolls. I weep for the fact that as we get older, good music has died, and will never be appreciated or revived. I have an eclectic taste in music my friends, I listen to anything from hip-hop to classic rock. However, there is only one genre of music that truly heals the heart and the soul, and that is classical music. I won't speak for long tonight, but I wanted to express how I feel when I listen to the right classical song. Music of the 21st century has no heart, it has no soul and therefore when you listen to it you can dance along to its catchy beat or sing along to the words, but in the end you can never emotionally connect to it. When in recent history have you seen a crowd brought to its feet by a Jay Z concert because they had no choice but to stand up and applaud, for he had truly struck their heart strings (pun intended)? The answer is never. Sure people have given the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus standing ovations, but that was because they were already standing! Or because they were famous.
Back when classical writers such as Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Handel, or Tchiakovsky were performing their pieces, people didn't just stand up because they had to. They were moved, the music truly moved them. When Handel performed his famous Hallelujah Chorus for the King of England, the King was so moved by the music he stood up, and the rest of the room stood up with him, signifying the awesome power that was found in the piece. Classical music isn't performed with the mind, or the hands, or the arms... No. It is performed with the heart, with the soul, and that becomes obvious when the music is played for thousands of people. When I was listening to some of my favorite songs on Youtube, I noticed that a Justin Bieber song had over 8 million views. I was disgusted, proving my point that people don't know good music anymore. But then I looked up Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and saw that there were over 30 million views. Now that's emotional power you can't buy.
So tonight, I invite you to go into your rooms. Turn off your lights, pull down your curtains or drapes and lie on your bed. Put on Boccherini's Minuet, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Mozart's Requiem, Rossini's The Barber of Seville, or my personal favorite Tchiakovsky's 1812 Overture: Finale. Let the music flow over you and your troubles or stresses will soon follow. Appreciate the art of classical music my friends, and you may have just found yourself a new way of relieving stress, in a very calming but entertaining way.
Goodnight, and happy listening.
- G.S Moredock
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
When I Grow Up...
We all remember this question in grade school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" That question evolved as we got older into, "Who do you look up to" or "Who is your hero?" We've dished out answers of noble men and women out of history: Martin Luther King Jr, Susan B Anthony, Ghandi, Rosa Parks, etc. We all quote them on our Facebook statuses, we write papers on them in school, and we take their teachings to heart as we go about our lives. The point I'm trying to make is that we could list a multitude of men and women who we look up to, but out of those people we list, how many have had a profound impact on us personally? How many of those men and women do we know well enough to where we can say they have truly made us who we are as human beings today? I'm gonna go ahead and answer that question for you and say none.
I don't know what it was about tonight that made me think of this, but I could also argue against myself and say that this topic is long past due for me. We write so many papers and quote so many sayings from famous people in history, but do you ever see a Facebook status update with a profound life-changing quote from a parent? I'd love to say that I am a grown man, being 21 almost 22 I'd like to think that I know a thing or two about life. But as hard as it is to say this, I still consider myself a child in so many ways. I may stand at a staggering 6'10 and look the part of an adult, but there are so many lessons that I still have to learn it makes my head spin. Basically what it boils down to, is that there is one person in my life that has always been there for me. A constant, unwavering role model that I look up to, and if I become half the man that he is I would consider my life well lived. That man is my father.
Now don't get all up in arms just because I left my mother out of that equation. My mother is the most important woman in my life, and will always hold a place in my heart that no one will ever be able to replace. She gives me unconditional love everyday, steers me in the right direction, and will always have my back even when I have turned it on her. But I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to talk about my father, who in every aspect of the word has been my hero, and the best role model a lost son could ever ask for.
It can't be easy being a father to a son who has aspirations to be a European basketball star, who is so sporadic with what he wants to do with his life that he has literally has a new career idea every other day, and who can't keep his bank account in the black for the life of him. And yet he is still there. I can remember all the wonderful things about my father dating back to when I was just a little boy. You may insert a joke here about how I was never little, but it's true, I once wore children's clothes. I remember all of the sayings and mannerisms that he did and still does to this day, calling me "sport" or "son" or the all-famous "get your head out." I went through the stupid phase of thinking that my parents knew nothing, and that they were stupid, old, and knew nothing of what I was going through. I remember on so many nights I would be angry at him over being to stern on a punishment, and when I heard him coming up the stairs to kiss me goodnight I would quickly shut my eyes and pretend I was asleep. He still would come in, and I can feel the prickly sensation of his cookie-duster of a mustache on my forehead when he would kiss me and whisper, "Goodnight Graham, I love you." I never said anything back...
I can remember like it was yesterday, getting home from school and watching cartoons on the couch and hearing the garage door open. My father would walk in the door and my mother would be waiting for him, to give him a big hug and a kiss and ask how his day was. The way my father looked at my mother, the way he still looks at her to this day... that is the way I want to look at my wife. So full of love, happiness, and content. Countless times he would come over to me to give me a hug and a kiss to ask how my day was, but because I was mad at him for some silly reason I would ignore him, run upstairs to my room to play with my action figures that he so generously bought me with his hard-earned money. I wish I could go back to those moments and give him that warm hug and a kiss he deserved.
My father is the hardest working man I know, he has always put his family's needs before his own and the amount of respect I have for him is so deeply rooted in me that it would be impossible to take out of me. What makes me the most upset is my Junior year of high school my father got an amazing job offer up in Washington. We had to move to Seattle in order to take it, and I was taken away from all my friends. I hated it. I hated the school, I didn't meet anyone that I felt comfortable hanging out with, and most of all I missed my friends. So, I asked to move back to Oregon for my Senior year of high school. My parents said ok, but my father had to stay in Washington to work while my mother so graciously moved back to Oregon with me. My father separated from his wife, the woman he had spent so many years with before I even came into the picture, just so that his youngest son could go back to Oregon with his friends. He lived in Seattle, alone, going to work every day with no one waiting for him at home to give him a hug and a kiss and to ask him how his day ways. He would come visit on weekends, but you have to realize that was a 3 hour drive both ways from Seattle to Portland, and so sometimes he couldn't make it. I was so entrenched with my social activities that when he did take the time to visit I never spent it home with him. I was always out, and when he would ask me to stay home and spend time with the family I got angry, and upset, and said hurtful things that to this day haunt me. I said terrible things to a man who sacrificed so much to make sure that I was happy. What a great son I am...
I'll always remember the moment I saw my father truly cry. It was at his father's funeral. When my father went up to the podium to speak, tears streamed down his face as he told stories and memories of his father. Seeing those tears made me realize the significant role a father plays in a son's life. My father's emotion made me see clearly the effect that my grandfather had on him, and the great amount of respect, admiration, and love my father had for his dad.
So if you ever ask the question, "Who do you want to be when you grow up Graham" the answer is and forever will be my father. I know I don't say thank you enough, I know I still butt heads with him, and I know that he gets angry and frustrated with me because of some of the things I do, but at the end of every conversation or argument we have ever had, my dad has always said, "the reason why you tick me off is because I love you so much, and I only want what's best for you." Dad, you have always given me the opportunities in life that help me get one-step up on the competition, and sadly I admit that I haven't capitalized on all of those opportunities. But whenever I find myself alone, in the dark, lost with the idea of what my next move will be, I can close my eyes and feel your mustache on my forehead saying, "I love you Graham."
To parents everywhere, I salute you in the impossible job of dealing with difficult children like me. It is true what they say, that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Good thing for me is that if parenting was a corporation, my dad would be CEO.
Sitting a little teary eyed at the foot of my bed, this is G.S Moredock wishing you a good night.
I don't know what it was about tonight that made me think of this, but I could also argue against myself and say that this topic is long past due for me. We write so many papers and quote so many sayings from famous people in history, but do you ever see a Facebook status update with a profound life-changing quote from a parent? I'd love to say that I am a grown man, being 21 almost 22 I'd like to think that I know a thing or two about life. But as hard as it is to say this, I still consider myself a child in so many ways. I may stand at a staggering 6'10 and look the part of an adult, but there are so many lessons that I still have to learn it makes my head spin. Basically what it boils down to, is that there is one person in my life that has always been there for me. A constant, unwavering role model that I look up to, and if I become half the man that he is I would consider my life well lived. That man is my father.
Now don't get all up in arms just because I left my mother out of that equation. My mother is the most important woman in my life, and will always hold a place in my heart that no one will ever be able to replace. She gives me unconditional love everyday, steers me in the right direction, and will always have my back even when I have turned it on her. But I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to talk about my father, who in every aspect of the word has been my hero, and the best role model a lost son could ever ask for.
It can't be easy being a father to a son who has aspirations to be a European basketball star, who is so sporadic with what he wants to do with his life that he has literally has a new career idea every other day, and who can't keep his bank account in the black for the life of him. And yet he is still there. I can remember all the wonderful things about my father dating back to when I was just a little boy. You may insert a joke here about how I was never little, but it's true, I once wore children's clothes. I remember all of the sayings and mannerisms that he did and still does to this day, calling me "sport" or "son" or the all-famous "get your head out." I went through the stupid phase of thinking that my parents knew nothing, and that they were stupid, old, and knew nothing of what I was going through. I remember on so many nights I would be angry at him over being to stern on a punishment, and when I heard him coming up the stairs to kiss me goodnight I would quickly shut my eyes and pretend I was asleep. He still would come in, and I can feel the prickly sensation of his cookie-duster of a mustache on my forehead when he would kiss me and whisper, "Goodnight Graham, I love you." I never said anything back...
I can remember like it was yesterday, getting home from school and watching cartoons on the couch and hearing the garage door open. My father would walk in the door and my mother would be waiting for him, to give him a big hug and a kiss and ask how his day was. The way my father looked at my mother, the way he still looks at her to this day... that is the way I want to look at my wife. So full of love, happiness, and content. Countless times he would come over to me to give me a hug and a kiss to ask how my day was, but because I was mad at him for some silly reason I would ignore him, run upstairs to my room to play with my action figures that he so generously bought me with his hard-earned money. I wish I could go back to those moments and give him that warm hug and a kiss he deserved.
My father is the hardest working man I know, he has always put his family's needs before his own and the amount of respect I have for him is so deeply rooted in me that it would be impossible to take out of me. What makes me the most upset is my Junior year of high school my father got an amazing job offer up in Washington. We had to move to Seattle in order to take it, and I was taken away from all my friends. I hated it. I hated the school, I didn't meet anyone that I felt comfortable hanging out with, and most of all I missed my friends. So, I asked to move back to Oregon for my Senior year of high school. My parents said ok, but my father had to stay in Washington to work while my mother so graciously moved back to Oregon with me. My father separated from his wife, the woman he had spent so many years with before I even came into the picture, just so that his youngest son could go back to Oregon with his friends. He lived in Seattle, alone, going to work every day with no one waiting for him at home to give him a hug and a kiss and to ask him how his day ways. He would come visit on weekends, but you have to realize that was a 3 hour drive both ways from Seattle to Portland, and so sometimes he couldn't make it. I was so entrenched with my social activities that when he did take the time to visit I never spent it home with him. I was always out, and when he would ask me to stay home and spend time with the family I got angry, and upset, and said hurtful things that to this day haunt me. I said terrible things to a man who sacrificed so much to make sure that I was happy. What a great son I am...
I'll always remember the moment I saw my father truly cry. It was at his father's funeral. When my father went up to the podium to speak, tears streamed down his face as he told stories and memories of his father. Seeing those tears made me realize the significant role a father plays in a son's life. My father's emotion made me see clearly the effect that my grandfather had on him, and the great amount of respect, admiration, and love my father had for his dad.
So if you ever ask the question, "Who do you want to be when you grow up Graham" the answer is and forever will be my father. I know I don't say thank you enough, I know I still butt heads with him, and I know that he gets angry and frustrated with me because of some of the things I do, but at the end of every conversation or argument we have ever had, my dad has always said, "the reason why you tick me off is because I love you so much, and I only want what's best for you." Dad, you have always given me the opportunities in life that help me get one-step up on the competition, and sadly I admit that I haven't capitalized on all of those opportunities. But whenever I find myself alone, in the dark, lost with the idea of what my next move will be, I can close my eyes and feel your mustache on my forehead saying, "I love you Graham."
To parents everywhere, I salute you in the impossible job of dealing with difficult children like me. It is true what they say, that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Good thing for me is that if parenting was a corporation, my dad would be CEO.
Sitting a little teary eyed at the foot of my bed, this is G.S Moredock wishing you a good night.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
"You Were Born An Original, Don't Die A Copy"
When my father put this quote on my Facebook wall Monday morning it struck a chord with me. Growing up I wanted to be a part of the "in" crowd. I'm sure we all did. But what I think we sometimes forget is that we are all individuals, born with a different genetic code and there is no one else on this earth that is the same as we are. That's the beauty of being a human being, we are all individuals. We are born into this world as a blank slate, ready to be molded into what we will do in this life and what we will be remembered for. Why strive to be something that someone else has already done? Don't you remember when you were young and said to yourself, I want to be the first person to cure cancer or I want to be the first female president of the United States or even I want to be the first astronaut to step foot on the moons of Jupiter. What happened to all of those aspirations people? We stopped dreaming, and fell into the same lull millions of people have fallen into. We get caught up in the capitalistic rat race of "More Money = More Power" and we have lost sight of what truly makes us so special, the ability to do whatever we set our minds to.
I don't mean to sound like I'm tooting my own horn here, but if there is one thing I can look back on in my life I can say that I have taken risks. I have never done what anyone else thought would be best for me, I have followed my own heart, and that has led me to many happy experiences as well as unhappy ones. But I always have believed in the saying of "No Risk, No Reward." I covered my bases with what I was interested in as a child. I played piano, I tried violin, I sang, I did theater, I played sports, I wrote, and I tried to hang out with as many different people as I could so that I would never be limited to one group of friends for the rest of my life. I have met so many wonderful people along the way that I can truly say that I am blessed with warm feeling of friendship and family, immediate or not. I have encountered many "parent's away from home" as well as brothers and sisters that are not blood related to me, and I know that wherever my travels take me, I have those select people that are always looking out for me. That feeling of mutual love is a wonderful thing, and paired with the unconditional love that I receive from my parents and brother is the best thing a man could ask for.
So let me ask you this: When you sit and reflect on your life up to date, have you done what you have wanted to do? Or have you fallen into the lull that I have talked about and decided to become a suit-wearing drone looking for a steady job and paycheck. Do what makes you happy, never do something just because of the money. If you are not happy with what you are doing, change it, or else you will fall into a lifetime of remember whens and what ifs. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THE WAY YOUR LIFE IS HEADED. It's a beautiful thing isn't it? Before I leave you tonight, I want to say thank you to all of the wonderful people in my life, because without hesitation I can say that every single one of you is not a copy, but a beautiful individual that brings something special and unique to the table, and I thoroughly enjoy hearing from each and every one of you. I leave you with this inspirational poem that fits in perfectly with my topic tonight. John Mason was right, "You were born an original. Don't die a copy."
This is G.S Moredock signing off.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
"Invictus"
I don't mean to sound like I'm tooting my own horn here, but if there is one thing I can look back on in my life I can say that I have taken risks. I have never done what anyone else thought would be best for me, I have followed my own heart, and that has led me to many happy experiences as well as unhappy ones. But I always have believed in the saying of "No Risk, No Reward." I covered my bases with what I was interested in as a child. I played piano, I tried violin, I sang, I did theater, I played sports, I wrote, and I tried to hang out with as many different people as I could so that I would never be limited to one group of friends for the rest of my life. I have met so many wonderful people along the way that I can truly say that I am blessed with warm feeling of friendship and family, immediate or not. I have encountered many "parent's away from home" as well as brothers and sisters that are not blood related to me, and I know that wherever my travels take me, I have those select people that are always looking out for me. That feeling of mutual love is a wonderful thing, and paired with the unconditional love that I receive from my parents and brother is the best thing a man could ask for.
So let me ask you this: When you sit and reflect on your life up to date, have you done what you have wanted to do? Or have you fallen into the lull that I have talked about and decided to become a suit-wearing drone looking for a steady job and paycheck. Do what makes you happy, never do something just because of the money. If you are not happy with what you are doing, change it, or else you will fall into a lifetime of remember whens and what ifs. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THE WAY YOUR LIFE IS HEADED. It's a beautiful thing isn't it? Before I leave you tonight, I want to say thank you to all of the wonderful people in my life, because without hesitation I can say that every single one of you is not a copy, but a beautiful individual that brings something special and unique to the table, and I thoroughly enjoy hearing from each and every one of you. I leave you with this inspirational poem that fits in perfectly with my topic tonight. John Mason was right, "You were born an original. Don't die a copy."
This is G.S Moredock signing off.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
"Invictus"
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Letter To A Higher Power
To whom it may concern,
I don't know who you are, I don't know what you look like, yet sometimes I find myself talking to you when I am alone at night. I wouldn't necessarily say that I believe in a one "God." The thought of one man creating a universe so vast and intricate does not fall into my realm of reality. But, there are so many things in this life that happen and we find ourselves unable to explain why they happened. Some call them miracles, and those same people call those acts an "act of God." I disagree. I say human beings perform miracles everyday. Now you may disagree with me because your definition of a miracle is one that is miraculous, unexplainable, and divine. I believe that even the littlest of acts can be defined as a miracle.
In 1998 my family and I were on our way to Bend, OR for a skiing trip. Driving over the Santiam Pass we hit a patch of black ice and flipped our car over in a ditch. Not a single member of my family was seriously injured. When we safely exited our car we had cars pull over and help us out. Out of those vehicles came 3 doctors and 1 nurse. And the last car to pull over, the most important, was an old family friend that knew my parents. They were kind enough to pull over and drive my brother and I home to Lake Oswego. I will always remember that evening not because of the accident, but because of the events that transpired afterward. I call that a miracle.
People underestimate the power of human interaction. One of my favorite quotes is from a poem written by Marianne Williamson. It reads as follows, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"
I believe that I am in control of my own destiny, that what I do in this life directly correlates with how I will finish it. There is no pre-determined road set out for me, that I have the power to do whatever it is I want to do until I find true happiness and am happy to accept that my life path is accomplished. But, I do believe that you, whoever you are, holds all of my loved ones in a very special place. When they pass on, I don't necessarily believe in a heaven but I have to believe they go on to a better place, where they are no longer in pain and they are happy. I believe they look down upon me and give me strength when I need it most, and comfort in times of grief and self-doubt. But like I said at the beginning of this letter, when I am at a crossroads in my life where I find that no human soul can give me the guidance I need, I drop to my knees, fold my hands together, and pray to whoever may be bigger than I for help.
I've met people who go to Church strictly because they are told to by their parents or others. I've met people who go to Church because they feel the need to be accepted by God and to do right by him. I do believe in some church preachings and I do believe there are good messages being sent to its congregations, but as I look back in history some of this Earth's darkest times were wars based on religion and which God was right. I believe in self-acceptance, self-understanding, and self-awareness. There are too many religions in the world for one of them to be right.
So to wrap this up, I write this letter to you, in hopes that you understand where I'm coming from. I believe that if you treat people with respect, love your parents, always be willing to learn from other people, be humble, and give credit where it is due, when I pass on from this life I will find myself in whatever I believe is "Heaven." Maybe set an example for those who will come after me, but that's something that I still and always will have to work on.
To those I have loved who have passed on, know that I love you. You love me, and I will see you soon, in this life of the next.
Sincerely Yours,
Graham Moredock
I don't know who you are, I don't know what you look like, yet sometimes I find myself talking to you when I am alone at night. I wouldn't necessarily say that I believe in a one "God." The thought of one man creating a universe so vast and intricate does not fall into my realm of reality. But, there are so many things in this life that happen and we find ourselves unable to explain why they happened. Some call them miracles, and those same people call those acts an "act of God." I disagree. I say human beings perform miracles everyday. Now you may disagree with me because your definition of a miracle is one that is miraculous, unexplainable, and divine. I believe that even the littlest of acts can be defined as a miracle.
In 1998 my family and I were on our way to Bend, OR for a skiing trip. Driving over the Santiam Pass we hit a patch of black ice and flipped our car over in a ditch. Not a single member of my family was seriously injured. When we safely exited our car we had cars pull over and help us out. Out of those vehicles came 3 doctors and 1 nurse. And the last car to pull over, the most important, was an old family friend that knew my parents. They were kind enough to pull over and drive my brother and I home to Lake Oswego. I will always remember that evening not because of the accident, but because of the events that transpired afterward. I call that a miracle.
People underestimate the power of human interaction. One of my favorite quotes is from a poem written by Marianne Williamson. It reads as follows, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?"
I believe that I am in control of my own destiny, that what I do in this life directly correlates with how I will finish it. There is no pre-determined road set out for me, that I have the power to do whatever it is I want to do until I find true happiness and am happy to accept that my life path is accomplished. But, I do believe that you, whoever you are, holds all of my loved ones in a very special place. When they pass on, I don't necessarily believe in a heaven but I have to believe they go on to a better place, where they are no longer in pain and they are happy. I believe they look down upon me and give me strength when I need it most, and comfort in times of grief and self-doubt. But like I said at the beginning of this letter, when I am at a crossroads in my life where I find that no human soul can give me the guidance I need, I drop to my knees, fold my hands together, and pray to whoever may be bigger than I for help.
I've met people who go to Church strictly because they are told to by their parents or others. I've met people who go to Church because they feel the need to be accepted by God and to do right by him. I do believe in some church preachings and I do believe there are good messages being sent to its congregations, but as I look back in history some of this Earth's darkest times were wars based on religion and which God was right. I believe in self-acceptance, self-understanding, and self-awareness. There are too many religions in the world for one of them to be right.
So to wrap this up, I write this letter to you, in hopes that you understand where I'm coming from. I believe that if you treat people with respect, love your parents, always be willing to learn from other people, be humble, and give credit where it is due, when I pass on from this life I will find myself in whatever I believe is "Heaven." Maybe set an example for those who will come after me, but that's something that I still and always will have to work on.
To those I have loved who have passed on, know that I love you. You love me, and I will see you soon, in this life of the next.
Sincerely Yours,
Graham Moredock
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