We all remember this question in grade school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" That question evolved as we got older into, "Who do you look up to" or "Who is your hero?" We've dished out answers of noble men and women out of history: Martin Luther King Jr, Susan B Anthony, Ghandi, Rosa Parks, etc. We all quote them on our Facebook statuses, we write papers on them in school, and we take their teachings to heart as we go about our lives. The point I'm trying to make is that we could list a multitude of men and women who we look up to, but out of those people we list, how many have had a profound impact on us personally? How many of those men and women do we know well enough to where we can say they have truly made us who we are as human beings today? I'm gonna go ahead and answer that question for you and say none.
I don't know what it was about tonight that made me think of this, but I could also argue against myself and say that this topic is long past due for me. We write so many papers and quote so many sayings from famous people in history, but do you ever see a Facebook status update with a profound life-changing quote from a parent? I'd love to say that I am a grown man, being 21 almost 22 I'd like to think that I know a thing or two about life. But as hard as it is to say this, I still consider myself a child in so many ways. I may stand at a staggering 6'10 and look the part of an adult, but there are so many lessons that I still have to learn it makes my head spin. Basically what it boils down to, is that there is one person in my life that has always been there for me. A constant, unwavering role model that I look up to, and if I become half the man that he is I would consider my life well lived. That man is my father.
Now don't get all up in arms just because I left my mother out of that equation. My mother is the most important woman in my life, and will always hold a place in my heart that no one will ever be able to replace. She gives me unconditional love everyday, steers me in the right direction, and will always have my back even when I have turned it on her. But I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to talk about my father, who in every aspect of the word has been my hero, and the best role model a lost son could ever ask for.
It can't be easy being a father to a son who has aspirations to be a European basketball star, who is so sporadic with what he wants to do with his life that he has literally has a new career idea every other day, and who can't keep his bank account in the black for the life of him. And yet he is still there. I can remember all the wonderful things about my father dating back to when I was just a little boy. You may insert a joke here about how I was never little, but it's true, I once wore children's clothes. I remember all of the sayings and mannerisms that he did and still does to this day, calling me "sport" or "son" or the all-famous "get your head out." I went through the stupid phase of thinking that my parents knew nothing, and that they were stupid, old, and knew nothing of what I was going through. I remember on so many nights I would be angry at him over being to stern on a punishment, and when I heard him coming up the stairs to kiss me goodnight I would quickly shut my eyes and pretend I was asleep. He still would come in, and I can feel the prickly sensation of his cookie-duster of a mustache on my forehead when he would kiss me and whisper, "Goodnight Graham, I love you." I never said anything back...
I can remember like it was yesterday, getting home from school and watching cartoons on the couch and hearing the garage door open. My father would walk in the door and my mother would be waiting for him, to give him a big hug and a kiss and ask how his day was. The way my father looked at my mother, the way he still looks at her to this day... that is the way I want to look at my wife. So full of love, happiness, and content. Countless times he would come over to me to give me a hug and a kiss to ask how my day was, but because I was mad at him for some silly reason I would ignore him, run upstairs to my room to play with my action figures that he so generously bought me with his hard-earned money. I wish I could go back to those moments and give him that warm hug and a kiss he deserved.
My father is the hardest working man I know, he has always put his family's needs before his own and the amount of respect I have for him is so deeply rooted in me that it would be impossible to take out of me. What makes me the most upset is my Junior year of high school my father got an amazing job offer up in Washington. We had to move to Seattle in order to take it, and I was taken away from all my friends. I hated it. I hated the school, I didn't meet anyone that I felt comfortable hanging out with, and most of all I missed my friends. So, I asked to move back to Oregon for my Senior year of high school. My parents said ok, but my father had to stay in Washington to work while my mother so graciously moved back to Oregon with me. My father separated from his wife, the woman he had spent so many years with before I even came into the picture, just so that his youngest son could go back to Oregon with his friends. He lived in Seattle, alone, going to work every day with no one waiting for him at home to give him a hug and a kiss and to ask him how his day ways. He would come visit on weekends, but you have to realize that was a 3 hour drive both ways from Seattle to Portland, and so sometimes he couldn't make it. I was so entrenched with my social activities that when he did take the time to visit I never spent it home with him. I was always out, and when he would ask me to stay home and spend time with the family I got angry, and upset, and said hurtful things that to this day haunt me. I said terrible things to a man who sacrificed so much to make sure that I was happy. What a great son I am...
I'll always remember the moment I saw my father truly cry. It was at his father's funeral. When my father went up to the podium to speak, tears streamed down his face as he told stories and memories of his father. Seeing those tears made me realize the significant role a father plays in a son's life. My father's emotion made me see clearly the effect that my grandfather had on him, and the great amount of respect, admiration, and love my father had for his dad.
So if you ever ask the question, "Who do you want to be when you grow up Graham" the answer is and forever will be my father. I know I don't say thank you enough, I know I still butt heads with him, and I know that he gets angry and frustrated with me because of some of the things I do, but at the end of every conversation or argument we have ever had, my dad has always said, "the reason why you tick me off is because I love you so much, and I only want what's best for you." Dad, you have always given me the opportunities in life that help me get one-step up on the competition, and sadly I admit that I haven't capitalized on all of those opportunities. But whenever I find myself alone, in the dark, lost with the idea of what my next move will be, I can close my eyes and feel your mustache on my forehead saying, "I love you Graham."
To parents everywhere, I salute you in the impossible job of dealing with difficult children like me. It is true what they say, that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Good thing for me is that if parenting was a corporation, my dad would be CEO.
Sitting a little teary eyed at the foot of my bed, this is G.S Moredock wishing you a good night.
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